Katherine

This past weekend I had the opportunity to teach at a D-Now style retreat in Montgomery. It was at Vaughn Forest Baptist Church, which is one of the biggest churches in Montgomery. Um, HUGE. I know I don't always act like it, but I pretty much love these weekends. I participated in them every year while I was in youth group, and I remember learning so much from them and growing as a result. Also, the college students that led them had a distinct impact on my life. I had never before actually seen and interacted with college students that were living for the Lord. I'm not even sure I knew they existed. I was lucky enough to have some leaders several years in a row, so I was able to build a relationship with them. So, D-Now weekends have a special place in my heart. However, this one was a little different. This was for the children's ministry. Yep... I taught the 5th grade girls.

Forgive me while I digress a bit:
This is an age group that has always been, and will probably always be a little awkward for me. I think I almost get intimidated by kids of this age. Strange, I know. If I have known the child(ren) for a while, it's not awkward, and we can get along. If I DON'T know the kids I get really nervous. They're past the age where they think every older person is cool, but they're not quite to the age where it's a little easier to see past nerdiness. Does that make sense? I worry about my cool factor! I just have an irrational fear of 5th graders. I am fallen. Now back to the point of this post...

Friday night the children's minister informed me that we would have an extra girl in our group for the scavenger hunt the next day. He explained to me that Katherine is 16, but has Down Syndrome. So while she still participates in children's ministry activities, she can't participate in overnight events. Y'all, I started sweating. I don't know if I can explain the anxiety I had all night about this. I had to have church by myself in the bedroom that night. (P.S. Don't underestimate the amazingness of having your own bedroom during a D-Now. Thank you Jeremy!) But Katherine loves church, she loves being with people, and he really wanted her to be involved as much as possible. So, Saturday morning comes along. We walk into the church and basically go straight to the kitchen for lunch (hot dogs...yummy :). All of a sudden I feel someone grab my hand (and it wasn't gently!) I turned and looked down and Katherine's sweet face turned to me, gave me a HUGE smile, and she promptly introduced herself and started conversation. From then on I had a new best friend. She helped us in the scavenger hunt (that is, until her "stomach hurt"... I am told this is the key sign that she's tired of doing something :) Katherine sang her heart out during worship, and she giggled and played alongside the other girls. The time that we got to spend together was so sweet.

I went into the weekend with such pride in my heart. I never expected to learn anything from these girls, but they impacted me more than I can really explain on here. Katherine doesn't understand the ins and outs of being a Christian. She will never approach her relationship with Jesus through a theologian's eyes. She probably won't ever do much more than sing, but she will sing louder and with the sweetest heart than anyone else in the church. I think that she "gets" being a Christian more than I do most of the time. It's so amazing that her love and knowledge of Christ was never taught to her, but by the grace and sovereignty of God it is there. She was full of more joy than the majority of the Christians I am in contact with every day... and most definitely more than I fight to keep. I realized that I should no longer pity this girl, for she was made exactly this way for God's glory. I wish you could have seen her giving God his glory... Katherine is the lesson of a lifetime.

As for the other girls, they blew me away! If Katherine needed a hand, a friend, someone to talk to, they were there in a flash. They joked with her, talked with her, and included her in all they did. They even helped her smuggle 6 bags of Famous Amos cookies away in her pockets. I'm positive that I would not have been so selfless and loving as a 5th grader.

I hope that I don't easily forget Katherine's face as she sang to Jesus, or the other girls' faces as they started to think of scripture in a new way. It's so easy to get caught up in what we know... where we serve... which author we're reading. We often forget who we know, who we serve, and the original author of life. We could all learn a little something from Katherine.

The... Caroline Show?

Do you ever have those times where you just feel very conspicuous? I definitely just had one of those in Kroger. It was like everyone in a two mile radius was taking note of my awkwardness. And grocery shopping at Kroger happens to be one of those errands where I just want to disappear into the cereal boxes. Unfortunately, I'm not the same shape or color as Lucky Charms, so I had to keep myself distracted, so I started thinking about The Truman Show. It's that movie where Jim Carrey finds out his whole life is a TV show. Several years ago I was quite obsessed with this movie, and have wondered if that was my life since. Strange. I know. By the time I checked out, I had quite the "Truman" story planned out in my head. Naturally, the people in Kroger noticed me from TV! However, once I left the "set" of Kroger I realized that my life really isn't interesting enough to be a TV show.

Do you think people would watch your show?

My resolution

At least once a year I go through all of my clothes, bags, shoes, etc. and clean out my closets and drawers. Usually this bag goes to Goodwill or something like that, which is really awesome when you're trying to stuff a garbage bag as big as you are into an overflowing bin... oh yeah, the opening is usually over my head. That would be fine if I didn't have the strength of a 7 year old. Fun stuff. I digress.

This cleaning process made me think a little about the idea of cleaning up life. It's the beginning of the year, and almost everyone thinks they have to have a resolution. Apparently this leads to enlightenment or joy or something. I can bet that at least 75% of the lists include something about health, organization, and/or money. I can see the benefits in those things. There's nothing wrong with that if there aren't impure motives, I guess. We need to clean things out every once in a while.

As I was cleaning out my closet, I was thinking about how this relates to my life and my relationship with Jesus Christ. What would He clean out of my life? How does he clean things out? What one major thing haunts me and hinders my becoming more like Christ? It's so amazing that 2000 years ago the burden of sin was taken away from me. However, as you probably have figured out, that doesn't mean that all problems are gone. Nor is the act of sinning gone. One verse that kept coming to my mind was Philippians 3:13-14. I'll start with 13b. "forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." I have problems with letting go of past sin. Cleaning it out, if you will. I despair over it. I let it live inside me and breed doubt and complacency. In the face of these sins I tend to forget who saved me. I forget in whose image I am made. I forget that Christ has overcome death and sin. Joel and I recently talked about the effects of reminding others about the gospel. So, friends, my resolution is to clean things out. I will try to remind myself and others of the gospel. I will put my sins behind me, push away despair, and "press on toward the goal."

Maybe adding health to the list wouldn't be such a bad idea either :)

I'm not a good blogger :(

It's been almost exactly two weeks since I wrote anything on here. Maybe it's because I'm too private... nope, not a problem of mine. Maybe it's because I've been too busy... again, not a problem of mine. Maybe it's because I'm just a slacker... um, I'll go with that one. Feel free to skip this post, for I am sure it won't be that entertaining.

Joel came down last weekend. It was pretty amazing to see him again. It was also proof that I worry about things for no reason. We went to the game on Saturday, but I got bored (imagine that) and hungry and wanted to leave. I am not upset about missing that blow-out, for sure. The rest of the time was pretty typical. Dinner. More football at Whitney's. Church. However, I must say this, I have an incredible boyfriend, and the weekend reminded me so much of how blessed I am.

This past weekend was the annual Parkway Baptist College Beach Retreat. It was fun, but it also made me see how I've changed over the past year. Maybe that's something for a different post. I'm happy to say that Kinzie, Adam, Adam, and Virginia got to come along. It was good to see them again. I'm sad to say that I didn't really participate in many activities. I got sick and chose my bed over the beach. Now several people are sick, and I'm afraid that it's because of me. I hate it when that happens.

In other news, I have officially decided that I really like The Office. It makes me laugh... a lot.

So, now I'm laying in bed trying my best not to swallow. I'm pretty sure my throat bursts into flames every time that I do. Feel free to send flowers or green tea.

Cloudy days and down time...

I feel compelled to write something, however I have nothing important to say. The past week has been nonstop in school, and I think my brain is protesting thought right now. So, I'm going to be a couch potato for a little while. I'm going to curl up with my favorite blue and yellow blanket, and whip up a meal with the Take Home Chef.

The weather is wonderful today... cloudy and almost rainy. I love it.

OH!!! And I have the best gift coming to me this weekend. :)

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"Should the Church in politically or socially trying circumstances remain covert to avoid potential eradication by forces hostile to Christianity? Or would more open confrontation with prevailing spiritual ignorance and deprivation--even if it produced Christian martyrs--be more likely to lead to evangelistic breakthroughs? Islamic fundamentalists claim that their spiritual revolution is fueled by the blood of martyrs. Is it conceivable that Christianity's failure to thrive in the Muslim world is due to the notable absence of Christian martyrs? And can the Muslim community take seriously the claims of a Church in hiding?... The question is not whether it is wise at times to keep worship and witness discreet, but rather how long this may continue before we are guilty of 'hiding our light under a bushel... The record shows that from Jerusalem and Damascus to Ephesus and Rome, the apostles were beaten, stoned, conspired against and imprisoned for their witness. Invitations were rare, and never the basis for their missions."

I'm probably a bigger pansy than anyone...

Penny for your thoughts?

Oohhhh Auburn.

This is a frivilous post...

I absolutely love away game weekends. I love being one of only a few people in my apartment complex. It's amazing.

Lucinda and I are keeping Ashley's dog, Tubby, this weekend. Now I want a dog... really. Tubby and I went on a nice walk this morning, and, I couldn't believe it, the weather was PERFECT! Every year as it starts to turn fall, I think to myself, "I don't remember what cool weather is like." I love the fall. I love when the breeze is almost cool, but not enough to give chills. I wish I could bottle it up.

I am what I am...

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain..." ~1 Cor. 15:10a

Forgive me for using this as procrastination, and forgive me if my love of this verse is not really contextually correct.

I read this last night and it has been stuck in my head. You see, about every 5 days (or every 5 minutes) I have an identity crisis. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I've come to terms with the fact that as a woman I want to be beautiful. I want to be accepted just as I am. I want to be loved perfectly. However, I've not merged my head and heart together with the truth that no human can love perfectly. No human is going to make me feel complete. I know this. I know this. I know this. I also know that I have been redeemed by the perfect Son. My life is no longer my own, no matter how many times I try to take control of it. I know that no matter how many times I put my worth in other things and people, it will never ever be found there. I know this. I know this. I know this. Why can't I live it?

"By the grace of God I am what I am..." What I am is what the Lord is making me. That's more than good enough for me.

ALSO! "Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, devote yourself to them, so that all may see your progress." ~1 Tim. 4:14-15
Aren't you glad that we don't arrive at anything?